The struggle.

Has been really real. With training, raising children, working a 9-5 job and then struggling with infertility. I can't even to begin to tell you how I have been feeling lately. 

Everything hurts. Emotionally and physically. 

We have been trying to conceive a baby since Ezra turned one. Months of trying and it has been unsuccessful. We thought we were going to see the light this month but it was only heart ache. I sometime wonder if it is even in our cards to extend our little family.  I have never had so many issues while trying to get pregnant. I’m fertile I know I am or else I wouldn’t have three beautiful babies already. So I don’t understand why we are having so many difficulties.

I sat in the parking lot of my OBGYN’s office on Valentine’s day balling my eyes out trying to muster the courage to call and tell my sweetheart that this month, this month we are definitely not pregnant. This month, like so many months before it, we failed.

The talk of Clomid was discussed by the fertility specialist in the same office where I see my regular OB. Sperm analysis, 21 day blood draws, and even PCOS came up into conversation. All these tests came back in conclusive.

They even tried to label and diagnose me with PCOS but I don’t have any of the symptoms of PCOS. I go back to the lab to draw my 21 day blood report to see what the culprit is keeping me from conceiving.

I have honestly never felt so disappointed in my life.